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Jaina Proud-no-moore.

skumleren / May 08, 2019

It’s been a while since there was an update on this website hasn’t it? Oh sure, things have carried on as normal since last - we have all continued living our lives, slowly moving towards the inevitable embrace of the grim reaper and the end of our meaningless existence. Sure Crucible of Storm has been ploughed through on heroic, but a remnant of past failures was left behind in BoD, one which we had to overcome in order to justify updating the website.

Well, here we are, 478 wipes later, a raging hatred of ships attained, and plenty of sociolinguistic discussed; was it “I switch”, “Icewitch”, “Sandwich.”? Jaina has been downed, although not killed. However, despite surviving the encounter with our mighty raiders, we sure hope we do not see her pop up again anytime soon. I, however, have a feeling that we wont see her again.

She sure is a massive failure at everything. She failed at persuading Arthas not to cleanse Stratholme, eventually resulting in him turning to the Lich King and genocide the Eastern Kingsdoms. Not only that, she failed to persuade her father or stop the Rexxar from killing him – Surely there must have been a way as daughter Proudmoore. Oh yeah, her city was also destroyed. Then, on the other side of the coin, the only thing she managed in this expansion was to gain the sympathy of her mother (really shouldn’t be that hard) and made a ship fly. Why didn’t she just take the airships that the alliance already has available? I guess she managed to prevent the Zandalari fleet from catching up to the Kul’Tiran fleet, but she surely didn’t manage to kill us as she so kindly implied 478 times.

What I am trying to say is that I assume that Jaina is going to go home, relax and rest, and hopefully wake up tomorrow with a miserable depression considering how she has failed in everything and everywhere. When the fight is taken to the alliance, she will hopefully call in sick and the alliance will probably be better off from it.

Anyway, back to the real world, yeah, uf, what a shitshow. Nice new fun mechanics, challenging fight, no room for fuckups, would have been a perfect encounter if it wasn’t wrapped up in the poop that was phase one. Boring as shit, healers dps’ing and lots of random fuckery. It doesn’t subtract from the feeling of killing her, but after 400 tries phase one can only be summed up with one facial expression.

A little bit of hate with a good sprinkle of disgust. Sylvanas (or Sylvanus as my phone recommends lol) our beloved warchief sure knew what we were signing up for fighting this fight.

It doesn’t matter though, Jaina is down and happiness is all around. By conquering Jaina, we have now gained her powers and earned our titles as Sexy Sailors. No matter how gut-wrenching the fight might have been, it doesn’t change the fact that we are now sexy sailors and a bumped up quite a bit in guild rankings again. We may now look at the other guilds doing 500+ pulls, laugh at their folly and revel in their dismay.

Onwards Sexy Sailors! Crucible of Storms await, once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more, after all, it cannot be as bad as Jaina right?


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